Saturday, March 16, 2013

Tina Fey and the Breastfeeding Nazis !

I love Tina Fey and LOVE her alter ego Liz Lemon. So I HAD to read her book "Bossy Pants". Now that I've started "the practical mom" blog, will talk specifically about how I found her take on breast feeding howlarious! 

(The rest of the books funneeee too!). 

She says "As a member of Gen X , i was more informed, more empowered, and I knew that when it came to breastfeeding, I had an obligation to my baby to pretend to try" LOL! And "There are a lot of different opinions on how long should one breast feed. WHO says 6 months. AAP says 1 year is ideal. mothering magazine says you nurture him till just before his rehearsal dinner. I say you must find what works for you. For my little angel and me the magic number was about seventy two hours" 

Breastfeeding is touted as the new age ,ultimate stamp of motherhood. It's not only "liquid gold" but It's also free! (huh. Thanks for clearing that the baby doesn't have to insert a coin in the slot every time he wakes up to suckle.) of course that means there will be a two new distinct factions in the society soon. One with bright , super humanly strong immune systems and their wonderful mothers with their beaming smiles and the other with those poor little formula fed ,dull eyed, ear infectioned, diabetic patients with "lazy" , incompetent mothers! I mean formula feeding is such a disease that the boxes should have the "injurious to health" warning like on cigarettes, shouldn't they ?

Honestly? All those BF Nazis should leave Moms alone. 

They already have more than enough on their plate! I understand WHY the emphasis is SO high and repetitive , as in general there needs to be a shift from generations of formula feed children to breast fed children. Yes it's healthy. But I honestly believe the benefits are blown out of proportion. It's touted as the BE ALL & END ALL which is why it pisses off moms who have taken all that effort to do it the "right way" and the ones who couldn't or chose not to.

I'm against all that craziness in spite of the fact that I opted for extended BF. But I do it cuz I have the "luxury" (it may be called that I suppose) to do it! We moved to a non English speaking country in my third trimester, which means I was on a sabbatical by default. And it's a country which has a "nanny culture". Yup efficient, loving, disciplined nannys for reasonable salaries. Which meant being an Exclusive Pumper I could be disciplined enough to follow my rigorous, round the clock pumping schedule. 

On days she's around, I can slump on the corner of my couch and pump away watching the Kardashians keeping and taking and marrying and remarrying. On her weekly offs, my son will be all over me wanting his share of attention, er , sorry , I meant demanding. And I'll be screaming "don't climb the coffee table! Leave the modem alone! Dont play with the pump! Stop putting it off! Don't poke mommies boobie! " or he'll plonk on my lap with his Disney Pluto book and want me to count the balloons in the darn birthday party. and by the time I have to fill the milk bottles ,he'll be tugging my shorts , whining & wanting me to stop all the nonsense I was doing and play with him! That's ok one day a week. But if it were a regular affair, or if I had to get back to work, I would've given up after slogging through the first critical 6 months.

I still don't understand why women continue for over 2 years. The first ten months I pumped 1000 ml/34 oz every single day , which has now in the 16th month come down to under 400 ml / 14 oz By the 24th month it'll trickle down to under 50ml/ 1.5 oz. 

What is so miraculous about the milk that you take effort to feed him those three teaspoons? 

And becuz I'm an Exclusive Pumper, I have to pump throughout those 24 hours to feed him those three lousy bottles that he gulps down only during nighttime - so how do women who don't pump sustain milk levels when the breasts get empty only during night time? Does it only boil down to calming the nerves through suckle? I mean if I give my boy just a nipple or pacifier instead of milk when he wakes up in the middle of the night , he'll throw it away in anger!

Anyways, what I mean is , whether youre direct BF or EPing, it's an UNBELIEVABLE AMOUNT OF EFFORT. and if some one chooses not to do it / can't do it , it's totally reasonable ! 

Or as Tina Fey would say "Lesson learnt? Well when people say you really, really must do something, it means you don't really have to. No one ever says you must must deliver the baby during labour. If it's true, it doesn't need to be said!"

Until later! Stay in touch!

 Sign Up  |  Twitter  |  Pinterest | Facebook 


  1. For medical reasons I could not bf and I felt very guilty with my first...however she defies all the formula fed sterotypes lol. I love the humor. Without it, us formula feeding moms wouldn't make it.

  2. I love Tina Fey and can't believe I haven't read her book yet. It sounds hilarious and I love your excerpts! I wasn't able to BF for very long and was made to feel guilty about it that Tina Fey is calling those people out :-)
    Visiting from Titus 2 Tuesday

  3. Although I'm an EBF'er, I don't subscribe to the "everyone should" anything...especially when it comes to parenting decisions. I'm all about information, in general, and I'm a very strong supporter of people making their own choices for their own reasons and circumstances. If someone breastfeeds, I'm going to pat them on the back since I know it's not an easy task. If someone formula feeds, I'm going to pat them on the back because they're doing what they know/can for their child(ren).

    My personal beliefs and choices are not for me to use to infringe on others, they're mine to own. :)