Friday, April 3, 2015

Why I don't trick my child with stories, to make my life easy!

I don’t cook up white lies to make things easy. Don’t tell him I’ll be back in a minute when I’ll be taking half a day. Don’t tell him to finish his dinner else a monster will gobble him up. Don’t tell him to stop being whiney else a big man will take him away. Don’t ask him to choose if there isn’t a choice. Don’t dumb down concepts because he’s all of 3 years old. 

Here’s why:


The Practical Mom: Why I don't trick my child with stories, to make my life easy!




Children are logical. Yeah, I know they don’t seem like that most time, but they are! A good logical explanation is MORE EFFECTIVE than any story or reprimand!


Children remember. If I tell him not to taste the wine I’m sipping because its “yuck like medicine”, he’s going to use that same logic when you actually give him medicine. It’s easier to make the “this is for grown-ups only” rule than build the tower of lies.


Children stop trusting you. You may think you’re getting away with it, but children will know that you don’t mean what you say. If you’ve come back in 5 hours after saying you’ll be back in 5 minutes even a few times, they’ll stop believing the 5 minutes line and will make it even more difficult every time you leave.


Children love to be independent and respected like a grown-up. Taking the effort to simplify the explanation without dumbing it down does wonders to their understanding of the world around them. I’m still amazed by the concepts he picks up. So I start with a proper explanation, and start simplifying only if he doesn’t get it.


Children LIE. It comes very easily to them. Yes I ate it all. She hit me. I didn’t break that. I finished my home-work. I cleaned my room. Easy-Peasy. It’ll only make it worse if you model it!


Tricks turn into FEARS: Lies creep into their subconscious mind. When I was little, my maid would tell me to finish my meal else a big tall dog will come through the window. I don’t have any notable fears, but this one crept into my subconscious mind, cuz I would often wake up in the middle of the night to check. Even till date, if I’m sleeping alone, I check for noises and things creeping by the windows! It’s so silly I know, but logic disappears when it’s 2 am and I’m half in sleep.


So when I read him a monster story that begins with “Billy was troubled by the monster noises under his bed”, I turn to my tiny tot and ask “Is there a monster under your bed? Go check! There isn’t right. That’s because they aren’t real”


I don’t think it robs the joy from the story and the world of fantasy. And if it does, I’ll rather risk that than any fears from developing.



Maybe it’s because I’m a terrible liar or bad story teller who knows, but telling things as it is to my tiny tot does makes things simpler!



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Until later! Stay in touch!



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30 comments:

  1. I think that telling the truth sets a wonderful foundation for children. We were even honest about Santa and yet my children enjoyed wonderful imaginary games around the Santa story. I didn't seem to ruin their childhood. I'm horrified that someone would threaten a child with a big dog if they didn't eat their dinner!! Popping over from Crafty Moms Share

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    1. actually it isn't so uncommon to scare a child into doing stuff! Ive seen people do it often! It doesnt seem so horrifying at the moment, but who knows what kind of repercussions may come around !

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  2. This has been my policy since my eldest (18) was a baby. No lies. No "white lies". We have enjoyed fun stories like fairies and Santa Claus while knowing that they are *not* true. I can remember when my eldest and I were walking along the street and saw a man working on an electricity box (you know, the ones at the ends of roads). My son asked permission to talk to him, I agreed, and he asked, "What are you doing?" The man said, "Oh, sending messages to China." My son looked confused for a minute, then asked me "Why is he lying? I don't think that's what he's doing." So many people do it without thinking. Why not take just two minutes and answer a child honestly? The world is confusing enough to them.

    Great post. :)

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    1. i know! i have so many people saying 'absurd' things with the intention of being cute & funny! it becomes awkward when you want to step in and explain to your kid in front of someone you dont want to offend!

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  3. Great thoughts! Thanks for sharing! We don't have kids yet but I believe it's important to be honest with them, especially if you want to maintain their trust.

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  4. The old saying is true, "Honesty is the best policy." And really, in the long run their "tricks" don't make their life any easier because they have to deal with the repercussions of all the little white lies.

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  5. I try and not do this with my kids. I have found myself using the "I'll check on you in a while" with my oldest when I'm putting him to bed because otherwise sometimes he won't go down. He's a very light sleeper and if I open the door he'll wake up, but if he's taking a long time and I hear him, I do pop it open and check on him. We were discussing the Easter bunny this weekend and I feel funny doing that but we never really discussed it ahead of time, my husband and I.

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    1. im not saying we need to be *absolutely* brutally honest! we are still parents and theyre still so little! Thanks for stopping by Ari

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  6. I completely agree with you! I think being honest with our children sets the stage for trust in the relationship. Thanks for pointing this out! See you next week at #thoughtfulspot,

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  7. I could not agree more. We don't make up stories, and expect our children to be honest with us. I have found that it's easier for kids to trust you when they know they can 'trust you'. In our household we used this same logic for Santa Clause, tooth fairy, etc. We still do fun things, but we are honest with them. As a substitute for the tooth fairy I wake them up after everyone has gone to sleep (with a pair of wings on) and get them and bring them to our room for some Mommy and son/daughter time. They love it and always look forward to losing them teeth. Thanks for the post!

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    1. Well i told him about santa claus getting gifts for christmas. it was quite plausible since there were guys dressed as santa, carrying sacks and distributing chocolates everywhere we went!

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  8. Som very good advice here and I should really try to practice this more. Thanks so much for sharing with this weeks #pinitparty. I have pinned :)

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  9. I had to laugh at the children remember one. Once when I was having a glass of wine around my grandson, he asked me what it is (he is 3) and I said, "grammie juice." He calls everything, "Eli's juice." Then like you, I told him it is a drink that only grown ups can have. Well, do you know that everytime he sees me with a wine glass, he says, "grammie juice!" In agreement with everything you wrote. From Home Matters Party.

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    1. haha, grammie juice ! Thanks for stopping by Michelle

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  10. I completely agree & have never told stories to my son. This post will be featured as the post with the most clicks! Thanks for linking up at the Thoughtful Spot Weekly Blog Hop! We hope you join us again next week!

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  11. We do this as well. Keeping to the truth to set an example for him and to avoid setting up building blocks for anxieties and other mental trauma's grown from wild fantasies and conditionals. Tricks turn into fears and fears can form mental troubles down the line.

    I'm curious though as I think from reading s few of your other posts that you are religious. How does that play into it? I know for me and my family that is part of this ideal as well. We don't use or allow threats of Gods or Heavens or Hells to steer his behavior.

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    1. Hi Katie, this is embarrassing as I just saw this comment. a bit late ha? Well I'm actually not religious, and it is difficult for me to read stories from the Bible that end with and God saved the world, because for the usual readers it is not just a story but the truth they base their lives on! So like you, I haven't used these kind of threats to steer his behaviour! :)

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  12. You'll be so glad that you decided to play it straight.

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  13. Very well said! I think that trust is so important, and at some point these little ones will start to see through the web of "mistruths" that can so easily be spun just to get us through the day. I'm actually a terrible liar and I'm kind of relieved about it. I think that life in general is so much more simple if we all just take the time to tell the truth. Even to tiny people - Start as we mean to go on I say! Great post.
    Thanks for linking with #fartglitter x

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    1. Thank you so much..I'm a terrible liar too. And anyways the questions popped by little kids are at unusual moments when it's quicker to tell the truth that sit and think about the track backs to the lies!

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  14. I always tried to model honestly and in the past few years have even been feeling guilty about having followed along with the whole tooth fairy/ Santa/ Easter bunny thing. As they get older they seem less fun and more like little lies I've perpetuated for all these years.

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    1. I know! What's with the whole fairy santa easter bunny obsession with North Americans! These concepts exist in other parts of the world too, but I hardly think adults emphasise on how "real" it is to kids. So santa got gifts gets a 'cool' and he's not actually real gets a 'cool' too !

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